To Win Her Heart
by Insomniac247
Summary: Deviates from the anime after episode 109. Does not follow Manga. Two men would love to possess Sakura's heart, but only one can have it. Violence, betrayal, secrets, passion... KakaSaku? or SasuSaku? She will spend time with both.
1. Haunting Memories

**Disclaimer**: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story would not exist.

**Warning**: As a courtesy, I'm reminding readers that this story is rated M. Chapters may contain intimate situations, blood and violence, swearing. but then that is to be expected with this rating, right?

**Terms**: **otouto**-little brother; **Shi**- death.

Chapter One: Haunting Memories; Ruled by Realities

_He disliked emotion, not because he felt lightly, but because he felt deeply._ **John Buchan**

Sasuke watched her from afar, watching as she flipped her pink hair through her fingers and talked animatedly with Hinata. If he strained every now and then he could make out her soft tinkling laughter.

He wanted her with a fierceness that was matched by nothing. It had taken a journey through hell to show him how much he loved her. Unfortunately it was too late then.

God his heart hurt.

Sasuke reached back rubbing the newest seal he'd been given. It sat right next to Orochimaru's. He was a prisoner again, had been for two years now. He'd accepted the seal and the loss of freedom that went along with it willingly, knowing that another would have control over his life again. He'd done it for her. He thought her worth any price to himself. Still did.

He fought the urge to laugh. What bitter irony that he fought death's call to return to her, killed the master of his cursed seal for the freedom to pursue her, and threw away his pride to confess his love of her only to have her refuse him.

He knew it had been awfully presumptuous of him to show up after six years and ask that she belong to him, but that's just what he'd done.

He'd had nothing, had lost everything, and he cared for nothing but her. The only reason he still breathed was to see her smiling face again. Through all his dark deeds he saw only her face.

As soon as he saw the nightmare he'd plunged himself into joining Orochimaru and killing Itachi he recalled her face, her voice, her touch. It was solely because of those memories he was even sane.

That day, two years ago, when he'd seen her for the first time in six years was a very vivid memory. Just one more incident among many that haunted him day and night.

She'd cried in his arms pleading with him to leave her alone. Her pleas had been so gut-wrenchingly heartfelt he couldn't refuse her.

"Please Sasuke. I'm begging you. Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. If you have any feelings for me at all you'll leave me alone." She had fallen to the floor, losing her strength to stand. Sitting at his feet she'd reached up and clutched his shirt with white knuckles absolutely sobbing.

She clung to him as if she never wanted to let him go. Yet that's just what she was going to do; only she didn't have the strength. She was inadvertently asking him to give her the strength to deny him. Hell, she wanted him to do it for her, push her away, deny her. He looked down at her. She was such a broken thing in his arms.

He'd done that. He'd broken her, left her, broke her heart. She still loved him, he could hear it in her voice, sense it in her cry, feel it in the way she hung from her grasp of his shirt.

He hated to see her this way, like her bright light for life went out. This wasn't his Sakura. If his letting her go would make her whole again, give her back her inner light; he'd do it. It would hurt like hell, but he'd do it, for her.

"Okay Sakura. Okay." His voice was a soft whisper more full of sorrow and disbelief than the soothing caress he'd meant it to be. He'd stroked her hair as she released a relieved breath. She was so afraid of being hurt. He loved her too much to deny her this request. He grabbed her fingers, prying them from his shirt. She'd cried harder, tightening her hold on him.

"No." She'd whispered viciously putting her arms around his waist, fighting him. He'd knelt before her then. Captured her eyes with his, "Sakura. Let go." Her arms slackened for a moment and he pushed her away. Quickly jumping back to put distance between them. He turned his back to her. "Go."

And she'd left.

That was the last time he'd spoken with her. He could still hear the door as it closed behind her retreating form. It was a soft click of the latch but to Sasuke it was a booming slam, one that replayed itself many times these past two years.

He owed her for all the hurt he'd caused her. It was slowly killing him day by day to not be with her, talk to her, hold her, anything. But he would keep his word to her. His pain was unimportant. Two years of watching her from afar hadn't diminished his want of her in the slightest though.

He took a deep breath gearing himself up for having to be in the same place as Sakura and pretend she didn't exist. Why he told Naruto and Neji he'd go with them to the teashop he had no idea, but he had and now they'd be expecting him. Perhaps he'd spar with them later. Kick their asses for putting him through this.

Sighing, Sasuke made his way down the street, dodging the stream of villagers that crowded his path.

Sakura watched from a teashop as Sasuke weaved his way down the busiest street in Konoha. He wore his Shi uniform, mask resting on his head, and he seemed to be in a hurry.

Absently sipping her tea, Sakura watched as the coal black uniform shifted with Sasuke's steps. It was beautifully tailored, not too snug or form fitting, but it hugged his body in very flattering ways, not that Sasuke needed extra flattering. He was gorgeous enough on his own, but she admired him in the outfit nonetheless.

Villagers jumped out of Sasuke's way when they saw him approach. Some jumped from surprised fright, they hadn't heard him approach, and some simply because he was of the Shi.

The Shi were both Konoha's pride and its dirty little secret. An elite branch of the ANBU, the Shi were assassins, gifted killers with no qualms about making quick decisions to kill. They wore nothing but solid black, their masks not the usual animals of the ANBU, but death skulls. They were only ever sent after the most dangerous of criminals, diplomat assassinations, or on the dirtiest of missions.

Oh yes, pretty little Konoha got its hands dirty, it just never admitted to it. When a Shi was sent on a mission, most likely someone was going to die.

"I wonder where Sasuke's off to in such a hurry?" Hinata inquired, her voice breaking Sakura's reverie.

Sakura shrugged. It wasn't supposed to matter to her anymore where Sasuke went. It was near two years ago she told him to stay away from her. She had pleaded with him to not be friends with her, to talk to her, anything. She wanted to forget him, needed to forget him, for sanity's sake.

Sakura winced, remembering her last time with Sasuke, when she'd told him to leave her alone. Everything from that day was so vivid in her memory, the sounds, the smells, him.

His arms had felt so good around her. She'd wanted to melt into him, let him hold her for the first time in her entire life. The very thing she'd wished with all her heart for was finally hers for the taking, and she'd been too terrified to grab it and run.

Sakura closed her eyes remembering how great he'd smelled. His words that day filled her mind.

'I lived only for you. Out there away from you I'd wished for death a thousand times. Woke up countless mornings hoping it would be the last, but then I would think of you and I would go on another day. It was always you calling me back, asking me to come home.'

His words had shocked her. The Sasuke she knew never would have said such things, and yet he did. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened to change him so dramatically. What kind of horrible things had he experienced?

'After the hellish things I've done, after the horrible things I've seen and experienced I'd have gladly died. But I heard your voice calling to me. It was your face I saw in the darkest parts of my life. Your arms I felt around me when I thought myself utterly lost from humanity.' He paused for a moment, his once stoic eyes filled with longing and pain. His words were beautiful and his voice sincere.

Sakura shook her head, chasing the memory off. God she wished that memory could be burned from her forever. It was so painful to remember. She continued to watch the dark haired ninja's progress. 'Was that Naruto?'

Sakura watched in near horror as Naruto joined Sasuke, and the two of them began making their way toward her and Hinata. 'Dammit.' Sakura silently cursed, hoping she'd turn invisible before her ex-teammates noticed her.

"Good afternoon." The speaker spoke softly, but Sakura near jumped out of her skin.

"Kakashi! Damn you. You scared the shit out of me!" Sakura yelled, knowing full well her former sensei had snuck up on her purposely. Hinata giggled, and Kakashi smiled devilishly, at least his visible eye did. He loved getting Sakura's ire up. It was so, entertaining.

Kakashi had seen how distracted she was, knew it would be easy to surprise her, and he couldn't resist. Besides, he knew why Sakura was distracted, and he wasn't about to leave her to face the object of her preoccupation alone.

He'd seen her watching the Uchiha and Naruto, knew of her wish to avoid her former teammate, and was silently glad she dreaded seeing the dark haired genius. She was his now, not the brooding Uchiha's, though no one but he and Sakura knew.

Kakashi silently feared Sasuke. His ex-student was the only thing that could threaten his relationship with Sakura. He should have felt confident in their love, they'd been together for three years, but for some reason the Uchiha made him nervous.

Sakura relented in her anger of the silver haired jounin, smiled and invited him to sit. He gladly accepted. She could never stay mad at him long. She was in love with him. She tried to keep her smile one of friendship, as did he, not wanting Hinata to see the affection in their eyes.

Sakura wanted to keep her relationship with Kakashi a secret. She didn't want anyone to know about her and the handsome jounin. Why she couldn't say; she didn't know the reasons herself. It just didn't feel right. She felt as though she were breaking some law or something being with him.

He didn't seem to mind her request for anonymity too much. He never said much, but she knew he wondered why. He questioned her on it enough times. His arguments on why their relationship wasn't wrong played through her head. 'She was twenty-two; he was thirty-six. They were mature adults, no longer student and sensei, no longer of the same team, both jounin.' All his reasons were true and they made sense. 'So why does it feel so wrong?'

And her relationship with Kakashi did feel wrong. She couldn't help but feel something was missing, but when she tried to figure out what that something was she came up blank. Kakashi was kind, attractive, and nice, if a bit of a pervert. He was everything she could want.

Sakura could find no flaw with him, no fault with the way he treated her, no fault with the way he looked, no fault with the way he kissed her. Everything seemed so, _perfect_. And yet so damned, _wrong_.

A hip brushed her shoulder, and she looked up to see Naruto's smiling face. Sasuke silently nodded to Hinata and Kakashi, mumbled something to Naruto Sakura couldn't quite make out, and made his way to the counter. Hyuuga Neji, who was also wearing the uniform of the Shi, followed closely behind him. He nodded a quick silent greeting to all at the table before joining the Uchiha at the ordering counter.

Sakura watched the two dark haired men a moment, seeing them talk and laugh companionably. It was a strange sight. They were both usually so serious, so dark, so aloof, so, _quiet_. It was strange to see them act so, _normal_.

She noticed it was only when Sasuke and Neji were together that they acted so normal and relaxed. Their posture and aloof guarded nature seemed to slacken a bit. They even tended to smile at others when they were together.

Something had happened between the two during their absence from Konoha those six years, but she didn't think anyone but they knew what.

Naruto whipped a chair around to straddle its back, and sit at the table. "Hey Sasuke bastard!" He yelled out loudly yet jovially, waving his fist in the air. "Don't forget my order!"

Sasuke dismissed Naruto with a wave and went back to talking with Neji. Those two were the only Shi members Sakura knew of. It was a new branch added to ANBU after the two dark-haired ninja returned to Konoha. It seemed created just for them.

Rumor spread that the Shi was created as a type of parole for ninja that broke Konoha's trust, some sort of penance for their wrongs against the Leaf. The logic was let them sully their hands with the dirtiest, most dangerous, and bloodiest of the missions, and not denigrate the hands of ninja like Naruto who'd always been loyal and good to Konoha. How true that was Sakura didn't know. Everyone was so tight-lipped about the whole thing.

Naruto studied his pink haired friend a moment, noticed her tenseness. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was distressing her. "Don't worry Sakura-chan, we won't sit here. I just wanted to say hello." He glanced warmly at Hinata. 'God but she was pretty.' He smiled warmly at her. "You look lovely today Hinata-chan." She blushed sweetly, and he smiled wider before moving away to join Sasuke and Neji.

He'd only just begun dating Hinata, and already he was falling deeply for her. She was just so, special and sweet. And pretty. He was smitten with her.

Kakashi watched as Sakura listened half-heartedly to the conversation they were having. She was twirling a piece of hair around her finger, periodically glancing at Sasuke's table. He kept telling himself it was just nervousness, that she was with him, loved him, that Sasuke was old news, but part of him feared he was wrong. He saw her tense, and he turned to see what had caused her reaction.

Ino had joined the group, sitting very close to Sasuke. She turned and smiled amiably at Sakura, as if her sitting by Sasuke was nothing but natural, 'maybe it is,' then turned her attention back to the dark-haired man.

Sakura was trying her hardest to ignore the _other_ table, but they seemed to be having so much fun. It was impossible to drown out their loud laughs, and Ino's close proximity to Sasuke. She may not want anything to do with Sasuke, but she didn't exactly want anyone else to either.

Willing herself to look away, Sakura immersed herself in her beautiful silver-haired jounin's story, and Hinata's soft laughs and gasps at the appropriate places. Kakashi was a wonderful storyteller. She loved to listen to him. She became so enthralled with his tale of a mission long gone that she never noticed Naruto and the others leave.

Finishing his story and wiping mirthful tears from his eye, Kakashi took his leave of the women. "I have to go see Tsunade-sama about my mission tomorrow." He stated simply, making poignant eye contact with Sakura. She understood. 'Meet later at his place.'

"Well Sakura. I'd better go too. I promised Naruto I'd cook dinner for us tonight. I need to go shopping and clean the place up a bit before he comes over." Sakura nodded; Hinata smiled and shook her head. "I don't understand you Sakura. Why don't you just talk to him already."

Sakura gave her friend a frown. "I don't know _who_ you're talking about." She stated rather petulantly, knowing full well whom Hinata was referring to.

"Okay Sakura. I'll keep playing your game, and I'm sure Naruto will too. But for goodness sake, if you don't want Sasuke then why don't you at least humor Lee or something." Hinata waved her hand. "You claim you want nothing to do with him, but you can't keep your eyes off him and you turn down every guy that asks you out. What's going on with you?"

'Geesh. She sure has gotten a lot bolder since dating Naruto.' Sakura could still remember the timid Hyuuga girl that used to practically pass out at the mention of Naruto's name, let alone actually confront someone. She certainly had changed.

"How do you know I'm not pining away for someone else?" Sakura asked.

"Two things Sakura. One, you're with me all the time. Two, your eyes are _always_ on Sasuke. I thought you'd burst a blood vessel when Ino sidled up to him today."

Sakura opened her mouth for a snippy retort, but shut it just as quickly realizing she really didn't know what to say without sounding like a petulant child. Had she really been watching Sasuke so often and so obviously? According to Hinata she had.

Hinata gave her a knowing smirk before turning to leave. The dark haired girl had the audacity to look amused.

Scowling, Sakura rose from the table and began her walk home. She only half paid attention to where she was going, her mind was on Hinata's words. 'Your eyes are always on Sasuke.'

'Are they?' She hadn't thought she watched Sasuke that often, not enough to draw attention to herself anyway. She hardly ever saw him, so how could Hinata say something like that?

Besides, he was nice to look at. Couldn't she enjoy looking at a handsome man without everyone thinking she was pining away for him? Anyway, she had a man. She didn't need another.

Putting a bounce in her step, and a smile on her face she hurried her steps to her apartment. She was going to spend tonight with Kakashi. She was near skipping like a gleeful child at the thought of being alone with him.

Unbidden, a blush covered her face as her mind recalled the last several nights she'd spent with the silver-haired jounin, alone. 'Honestly Sakura.' Three years of dating him, the last year and a half of which were intimate, and she still blushed like a schoolgirl.

"I noticed you rubbing at your neck again." Ino commented.

Sasuke could hear the question in her voice, but he didn't answer her. She probably hadn't expected one anyway. He never answered her questions about the new seal. He was forbidden to.

"You were wincing like it hurt you or something." She hesitantly prodded on as she strolled along beside him.

At her reminder he absently rubbed the area over the seal. It had been burning something fierce back at the teahouse. He'd tried to ignore it but it had gotten pretty painful. As fast as the pain had come though it had stopped. He only tried soothing it now out of memory.

He'd have to see that bitch Tsunade and find out what the hell was going on with it. She was the one that insisted he have it.

'I wonder if Neji's was burning too?' He thought as he lost his mind to the day they'd received the mark.

He could still hear Neji's pained screams as he was given the seal. God he'd hated that Neji was punished for being a good friend to him.

It was funny. Once they might have been described as enemies, well perhaps not quite enemies but definitely not friends, but now they were beyond best friends, beyond brothers. Both would gladly die for the other without regret or hesitation.

He'd tried to stick up for Neji's supposed betrayal of Konoha, tried to explain why the Hyuuga had done what he did, but it was impossible to put into words the nightmares he and Neji had been through.

Can anyone truly understand the bond you share with someone when you've went through hell together? When intimate moments like seeing them at their absolute worst and them seeing you at yours have been shared is there anything more to say? To learn? How can you explain something like that?

Sasuke had tried to tell their tale, tried to make Tsunade understand, but in the end she was unswayed and Neji received the seal same as he did.

"Sasuke?" His eyes looked so far away and he was so quiet Ino had to wonder if he'd forgotten she was with him.

He turned and smiled at her. She was a very attractive woman, and she had a good heart. Any man would be lucky to have her.

"My place?" He asked. She nodded.

She really hadn't expected an answer.

**Author's Note**: There are bound to be questions, so ask away. However there are purposely many things left unexplained in this first chapter. There are going to be many future chapters, so if something is not fully explained here it is most likely because I have it planned for another chapter. If something seems out of place or not quite right it's very possible I'm going to justify it throughout the story or at a later date. So that means if I can answer a question I will, but if I don't it's because it's not time for you to know yet.


	2. With or Without You

**Disclaimer**: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story wouldn't exist.

**Warning**: This story is rated M. This chapter may contain strong language, sexual content, and violence. If this kind of material is offensive to you or if you are not of age to read M rated fiction please do not read.

**Chapter Two: With or Without You**

Sakura stared out the window of her second floor apartment, watching for Kakashi to pass by on his way from Tsunade's. She was anxious to see him. She'd been feeling particularly disturbed since the teashop experience, and she needed his comforting presence.

She'd been waiting for hours now with no sign of him. Any elation she'd felt at spending a romantic night with him had long since dissolved as her thoughts on today repeatedly assaulted her mind and broke down her jubilance. Now she was irritated, anxious, and depressed.

'Where are you Kakashi?' She silently asked for the hundredth time in minutes only to be answered by another round of better-forgotten memories and speculative thoughts.

Five years ago they'd told her Sasuke was dead. They told her his body was unrecoverable, destroyed, her only consolation that he took the snake with him. It had been speculated that Sasuke had killed Orochimaru but lost his own life in the process.

Instinctively she'd sought out Kakashi for comfort; he'd obliged. That was how their relationship started, a comforting friendship that had grown into more.

The silver haired jounin had been so protective of her that day, so understanding. Here she'd been dating him a year, came crying to him over an ex-love, and he couldn't find it in his heart to be jealous or angry. Well, at least if he was he hadn't shown it. He'd just held her in the circle of his arms, soothing her, and let her cry.

Sakura couldn't help but smile at the memory. Kakashi seemed, without a doubt, too good to be true. In fact, it was kind of scary how perfect he was. He always knew when to argue, how much to argue, when to acquiesce… These past three years he'd proven to be no less than ideal.

How many times had she toyed with him in attempt to unbalance him? Played the part of a spoiled child to bait him? Sakura rocked back on her feet; hand over her mouth in attempt to suppress her chuckling. 'Too many.' She thought biting back the urge to outright roar with laughter.

Her mind could clearly see his reaction to her childish pranks. His head would slightly cock to the side, and his eye would narrow minutely, as if to say, 'are you serious?' the instant before he realized he was being toyed with. That was all the reaction she ever got, and it always disappeared as quick as it had come.

Ever the faultless ninja he never tipped at her attempts to unbalance him. He always managed to block and counter every type of assault she'd throw at him. Her brow furrowed and she turned her mouth down in frown. It was annoying really.

'He's just too damned faultless.' She mentally griped. There was never a time he wasn't perfect. Even in sleep he looked perfect. She resisted the urge to tsk in frustration. Sometimes she wished he'd drool or snort, or _something_. Anything to make him less than the infallible man he was.

She had faults abound, but he… He was absolutely flawless. He was a perfect lover, a good friend, a comforting presence… And he was so damned good looking.

More than anything though Kakashi was her comfort and her strength, something she could curl up next to and rest peacefully by, a warm glow on a cold winter's night. But... 'It's not enough.' Her inner voice whispered.

She hated that thought, but it was true wasn't it? If Kakashi was everything she needed then she should feel content. Right?

But as much as Kakashi meant to her, as much as she loved him, _and she did love him_, something was missing. She yearned for something more.

_'But what?'_

* * *

Ino slowly woke to Sasuke's tossing and turning. She didn't alert him she was awake, just tuned into his movements. It was the same every time she was with him. It seemed he never got any sleep. She heard him loudly exhale; it was a resigned sigh, one that said he'd given up on rest for now. She felt the bed dip as he got up.

For most normal people it was too early for sleep, the sun was still shining, and night was still a good few hours away. But she and Sasuke were anything but normal. They spent a good deal of their time in bed, as much sleeping as not. Well… more not. Daylight or night they did as they pleased, and normally it pleased them to roll around between the sheets.

Inwardly, she smirked, delighted with the images her thoughts brought to mind. It was a wonder he wasn't able to sleep; he'd absolutely exhausted her. She repressed a giggle at the last few hours' memory. She didn't want to seem a coy little schoolgirl, but really he'd been quite amazing. He always was.

She had no idea she could be this happy. A year ago she'd have sworn she loved Choji; she'd been happy enough with the portly fellow, but not like this. This felt right. This was where she belonged. Sasuke needed her, and it felt so nice to be needed, to feel that important to someone.

He'd been so traumatized when she first came to him a year and a half ago, and now, though he still had a lot of trouble with bad memories and horrible nightmares, he was much more his old self - if less cold. And it was because of her.

She watched as he slipped on his black pants, leaving them to hang loosely from his hips. He scuffled lazily to the window running his hands through his passion-mussed hair. She smirked proudly at that. It had been her hungry hands that had tousled it so thoroughly.

She could clearly see the scars on his wrists and back as the sunlight reflected off his ivory skin. He hated those disfigurements. He never left the house without wrapping or taping his arms and hands. He didn't like people to see them.

In her opinion the scars only enhanced his already beautiful body. They added extra mystery and interest to him. 'As if he needs it.' She mentally scoffed. He never would tell her what caused them. Lord knows she asked often enough. He'd never tell her though.

* * *

Sasuke leaned against the windowsill, head bowed and eyes squeezed shut in attempt to chase away the nightmarish thoughts pounding in his mind.

'Why can't I just forget? Why?'

The same nightmares that haunted his sleep, or lack thereof, played in his mind now. The screams of dying comrades, the sight of demons ripping apart young boys and girls… He chased those memories away only to be replaced by Orochimaru's cursing as Sasuke commanded Manda to kill him. There were always more memories to chase away the others. The worst, the one that left him shaking in a cold sweat every waking morning was his brother's death. That played in his head almost constantly. It haunted him so, probably always would.

Killing his brother was nothing like he'd thought it would be. He'd cut a gaping hole in his brother's chest, puncturing a lung, leaving Itachi gasping for breath. He held his brother to him as he struggled to breath. Sasuke whispered to him over and over again how sorry he was, tears streaming down his face.

After he'd landed the killing blow he'd regretted it. His mind recalled images of being carried on his brother's back, of training together, of moonlit talks… 'I killed my brother.'

He'd apologized profusely to Itachi, calling him niisan, something he'd sworn never to do again. But this was his niisan and he didn't want him dead.

Sasuke grasped the sill with white knuckles, silently pleading with his mind to let him forget if even for just a moment. As usual his beseeching bore no results, and the grisly image continued to repeat itself in his mind.

It was strange how Itachi's atrocity seemed to fade into near nothingness against his death. Of all his family members, while they were living, none had ever been as close to him as his brother, except possibly his mother. But even her death hadn't hit him as keenly as Itachi's. Perhaps it was because Itachi's death came at his own hands.

Sasuke had clutched his brother to him in a fierce hug. _"Please don't die. I need you. I've always needed you. Please niisan… stay."_ He'd whispered hoarsely.

It was then Itachi reached up and touched his cheek. He'd even smiled. And his lips moved in speech. Sasuke couldn't hear his brother's words, but he didn't need to. With trepidation in his gut he knew what his brother said. He could see what he was saying. 'You're healed otouto. I'm proud. The clan can be saved.' And then he died, his hand falling heavily from Sasuke's face. Sasuke had keened then, the first time since his clan's death.

Almost violently he pushed himself away from the window and roughly dragged his hands through his hair. 'What the fuck did that mean!' His brother's last words puzzled the shit out of him, and that pissed him off no end. He wanted to kick something, smash something, hurt something!

He paced back and forth across the room, swinging his arms and flexing his hands. He needed to run. He grabbed his discarded shirt from the floor, slipped it on and strode toward the door.

"I have to get out Ino." He spoke softly, keeping his face averted. He didn't want her to see the crazed rage in his eyes. She was getting to know him too well, and it was becoming that he couldn't hide things from her anymore. "We'll get dinner when I get back." He promised before bolting out the door.

* * *

Sakura didn't like not talking to Sasuke. He'd always been important to her, and though she was with Kakashi it didn't mean she shouldn't be friends with the dark haired genius.

'Just friends?' Inner Sakura asked, inadvertently summoning Hinata's words to mind. _'Your eyes are always on Sasuke.'_

That statement still pissed Sakura off, and she clenched her fists in memory of it. Hinata had totally misinterpreted her staring today. She was trying to see if he still gave her the butterflies like he used to. If he still stirred her heart like he had in the past. She'd been testing herself, not ogling him like the dark haired girl seemed to suggest.

Except that Sakura had been ogling him, she'd failed the test. Sasuke had made her stomach flip flop. She'd gotten jittery and excited at the sight of him. He was hot, and there was still a spark inside of her that longed for him, a big spark.

Really though, it wasn't just his looks that drew her gaze. He was one of her old teammates, her biggest crush, and a good friend that had protected her many times. He was someone she'd entrusted her life to countless times, and invested herself in emotionally.

He'd been more to her than a mere childhood crush. He was her first love. The one she swore was and always would be the love of her life. She had always, always, wanted him.

How many times in the past had she envisioned Sasuke kissing her, Sasuke moving deliciously over her, Sasuke's breath ghosting over her ear as he whispered her name in pleasure, Sasuke holding her tight after a passionate exchange?

'Several times.' She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Sasuke.

She wanted to taste that which she'd always hungered for, touch what her body had always craved, and have what her mind could never forget. She wanted Uchiha Sasuke, and not instead of Kakashi, in _addition_ too.

Sasuke was a bright burning fire, beautiful and hypnotizing, but too bright to stare at long, painful to touch, and too hot to get close to. He was an unstable inferno… dangerous.

Kakashi on the other hand was a warm glow, solid, handsome, peacefully luminescent, comforting warmth, something you could curl up next to and rest peacefully by. While Kakashi certainly could burn bright, his overall character was loving and subdued. She liked that.

Sasuke was an adventure, a thrill seeker's delight. Kakashi was… well… Kakashi was _home_. She _wanted_ Sasuke to be sure, but she _needed_ Kakashi.

It was selfish and unreasonable to want both men so shamelessly, but want them she did. And a sense of foreboding settled over her like a dark storm cloud at the thought of it. Involuntarily she shivered.


	3. Love?

**Disclaimer**: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story would not exist.

**Warning**: As a courtesy, I'm reminding readers that this story is rated M. Chapters may contain intimate situations, sex, blood and violence, swearing…You've been warned.

Thanks to all reviewers!

Chapter 3: Love?

They were eating take-out, sampling everything in the little white buckets, casually sitting on her kitchen counters, talking and laughing…

The sound of Sakura's tinkling laughter made Kakashi smile. He really did love her. Who would have thought that of all the women he could have in Konoha, he'd fall for her.

It was totally unplanned. His love of her was something that had slowly crept up on him and then pounced, truly and successfully capturing and immobilizing him.

First she was his student, immature, annoying… Back then he'd wondered if he'd be able to shape her into even the most basic of ninja, but here she was now, a powerful jounin. He marveled at the woman she'd become.

'A lot has changed since survival training day.' He thought as he gazed adoringly at the pink haired woman before him.

Their friendship had started with a mere compliment. 'I'm proud of you Sakura. You've turned into a fine ninja. I'm pleased to call you comrade.' It had been his way of acknowledging she was no longer a student to him, but a respected peer. He could tell by the way her face lit with self-pride that his words had meant a lot to her, though it puzzled him. Or more appropriately surprised him.

The gleam in her eyes and beaming smile on her face at that simple statement was testament to how much she respected him as a ninja, how high she held his praise. In that moment he'd felt more special, more important, than he ever had in his entire life. That look was for him, because of him, and it was extremely flattering.

Little did he know that look would begin haunting his dreams from that day forward, slowly morphing his fond feelings for her into something much more.

He never dreamed a few simple words from him would have such an effect on her. It was empowering to see that such a thing was possible, that such a woman could value something so highly that cost him so little to give.

She was among the most respected in the village, known for her kindness, her monstrous strength, and her incredible healing abilities. So many men vied for nothing more than a smile from her beautiful face. Such a woman, and she valued _him_, _his_ opinion, _his_ praise… It had touched his heart more than he would have liked, more than was comfortable for him, but it couldn't be ignored. God knows he'd tried.

He found himself seeking her out, buying her lunch, helping her train, anything to spend time with her. He tested his compliments on her, tested what reaction the slight brushes of body contact might have on her… All the while he watched her face, fascinated at the reactions he could incite. She was addicting indeed, and he spent a lot of time with her, silently claiming it was in the name of friendship. Deep down he knew better; he'd just chosen to ignore it.

To justify his friendship with Sakura he often invited Naruto to lunch with them, to tea, sometimes to train. That way it couldn't be said by himself or anyone that his attention belonged exclusively to Sakura, though secretly it did.

Thoughts of how far their relationship might go never occurred to him, and then one day news that Sasuke was dead reached their ears. A messenger reported that he'd killed Orochimaru but died in the process. There was nothing left to bury. The entire Sound village itself was practically destroyed.

Sakura had been absolutely devastated by the news. The strong kunoichi had been reduced to a broken mess, and she sought Kakashi for help.

Mostly he comforted her, flattered she chose him for such a personal and trying time. It was a testament to how close they'd grown. He had his moments where she comforted him, but mostly it was the other way around.

For months they'd been friendly company and support for each other and then one day they'd kissed. Both threw every bit of pent up sorrow and stress into that one kiss, trying to drown out their guilt and loss with the touch of each other. That kiss had seemed sex itself, and had started their metamorphosis from friends, to a couple, to lovers…

"Mmmm." Sakura groaned in sheer bliss. She'd been absolutely starved, and the food tasted _so good_. She closed her eyes, savoring the rich juices that flooded her mouth.

Kakashi snapped out of his reverie at the sound of Sakura's sensual moan. Her response to the food had seemed so… _sexual_. It caught him completely off guard, and his mind mentally stumbled over his musings, delivering him to a most sensual and arousing sight. Her face was slightly flushed, and her eyes were closed. The look painted across her face one of euphoria.

He watched in open-mouthed fascination, as Sakura tasted juicy morsel after juicy morsel. Her mouth mesmerized him. How she wrapped her lips around the chopsticks, and sensually slid them along the slim utensils.

Every bite seemed slow motion. He envied every tidbit that those sweet lips touched; _he envied the chopsticks_.

She stabbed her chopsticks into the container for another nibble. He saw her mouth close over tasty bit. A pink tongue slowly slid along her supple lips, and her mouth glistened teasingly.

He watched as her throat convulsed in a swallow. Involuntarily he swallowed too.

He glanced up at her and she smiled that sickeningly sweet smile of hers. 'She looks so innocent. How could such a seductively tempting mouth look so damned innocent?'

Sakura mentally hiccupped at the ridiculous look plastered over Kakashi's face. He was staring, gape mouthed and starry eyed. For a moment she wondered if he were staring through her.

She studied him a moment and he must have sensed her attention on him because he snapped his mouth shut and met her eyes. She smiled at him, internally laughing at the "hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar" look on his face.

In that moment he looked so adorably stupid, like a school boy caught getting his first glimpse up a girl's skirt, she couldn't help but smile at him.

Kakashi smiled at her; she laughed.

A comfortable silence reigned as the two ninja allowed their dinner to settle, and internally reflected on a so far wonderful evening. It was a sober moment, meant to balance the playful tension that assaulted the two of them during their meal.

Kakashi contemplated the pink haired kunoichi's mouth again. He knew what those lips were capable of, and right now he wanted nothing more than to taste them. A wistful smirk played across his face as he imagined her wrapping herself around him…

His thoughts trailed off as his eyes roved the figure of the woman before him, meeting her eyes with a heated gaze.

Sakura watched Kakashi's far away expression, wondering where his mind was, wishing to follow. She'd waited for him for hours, longed for his meeting with Tsunade to end so she could have him, hold him, kiss him…

She watched his eyes trace the lines of her legs, follow her curves, linger on bared skin… Their eyes met… The world around her stopped, and nothing existed but him. The depth of emotion in his eye took her breath away. She saw passion and lust, but most of all she saw love. 'He feels this strongly for me?'

She'd thought he might love her, hell she thought she loved him, but only now could she truly see and feel what love was. All else paled in comparison to that one look, that one emotion that made her both hot and cold. She was grateful, happy, and afraid to have such strong feelings conveyed to her. She feared her feelings might not go as deep as she thought they did.

She wasn't prepared for this. Of all the intimate encounters they'd shared, none had ever felt like this. This was so much more personal than the others.

She studied Kakshi's face a moment. His eyes were completely transparent; she could see right through them and into his heart, his soul. He was bare before her, unprotected, vulnerable.

"I love you." He whispered.

As he spoke those three little words, his gaze was steady, completely unwavering. It nailed her to the wall, and she knew that he was searching for some sort of answer, one only she could provide. This felt like a test, and suddenly she understood that her answer would determine many things between them.

She knew, truly knew, that this was for real, that his heart lay in the palm of her hand, and that her life was no longer just her own. Her actions, whatever they may be, from this moment forward would affect this man's life.

"Show me." She quietly challenged, hoping that he could somehow manifest an example of his love that would sway her in one direction or another. Something that would make her confident her ability to love him like he deserved, because right now she didn't feel herself capable of giving him more than she already had. She loved him, but did she love him enough?

She watched him approach her. His steps graceful and deliberate. He closed the distance between them, smiled lovingly at her, and cupped her face as he pressed his forehead against hers. He lightly brushed his fingers across her cheeks. "You've become everything to me." He whispered, his warm breath caressing her lips.

"Show me." She breathed out, unconsciously leaning into him.

He kissed her… slowly, sensually. His fingers lightly dancing against her sides, and Sakura's head spun. His actions were more than a touch and a kiss. He communicated to her how much he wanted to protect her, shield her from pain, how much he wanted to hold her and love her. She was so much more to him than sex. All this he said with a simple kiss and a caress, and she found herself falling, drowning in a sea of emotions.

'Maybe I do love him as much as he loves me. How can I not?' She thought as her fingers wound themselves in his hair. She drew him closer to her.

'Hold me. Kiss me. Love me.' She chanted, feeling tears rise in her eyes-why she didn't know, but she felt a sudden need to be held, loved, protected. She felt so helpless and vulnerable.

'Prove you love me. Prove you want me.' She silently demanded.

Her actions became frantic. She kissed him fiercely, delving deeply into his mouth, kissing along his jaw to his ear. "Make love to me Kakashi." She panted out, and she sounded to needy, like her life depended on him accepting her. And right now perhaps it did.

'Don't leave me. I don't know what I'd do without you.' She mentally cried. All the while inner Sakura lectured her, 'this will truly be goodbye to Sasuke. He'll truly be out of your system… _forever_'.

'_Forever._' That word echoed through her mind like a death toll. _Forever._ It was impossible to tell whether that thought made her happy or sad. The feelings seemed so close it was impossible to decipher.

'Perhaps after this it will be all over. Perhaps after this Sasuke will never haunt me again. Perhaps after this I'll no longer desire him.' What a relief it would be to truly have Uchiha Sasuke out of her system. That thought comforted her, and she threw all her concentration Kakashi.

She groped his back, pulling him toward her, as if somehow the counter she sat upon was insubstantial and he could move through it. Understanding what she wanted Kakashi slid his body between her knees; she eagerly wrapped her legs around him.

She could feel his palms sliding up the outside of her thighs, the grip of his fingers as they tightened around her hips…

She sighed and gasped at his touch, how it made her skin tingle with want. She longed to feel him everywhere around her, caressing her, kissing her, _pleasing_ her…

She closed her eyes and groaned pleasurably at his touch, wrapping herself more tightly around him as his insistent hands roamed beneath her skirt to grasp her backside.

Immediately her hands sought his hair, gripping handfuls of it, running her fingers through it. There was just something so sexy about hair. "Mnnn." She moaned as his mouth roved her neck.

She could feel his tongue swirling deliciously against her sensitive skin, sending bursts of euphoria down her spine to spread throughout her entire body. She threw her head back exposing her throat for exploration. It felt so good. He was very skilled with that tongue.

There wasn't a coherent thought in her mind, just incessant babbles. "Want me. Love me. Need me…' White flashes of pleasure and need burst through her mind, and she wanted him, wanted him undressed and in her bed.

"Kakashi." His name was all she could manage to get out, all she could manage to say. His name was not a plea, but a demand; _'make love to me'_.

'Erase the past. Give us a future.' She silently begged.

"Sakura." He breathed out, intoxicated by the way his name sounded on her tongue.

Gripping the hem of his shirt Sakura ever so slowly peeled it from his body, raking her fingers across the firm muscles of his abdomen and chest as she slid the shirt from his torso.

Holding her tightly against him he carried her to her room and ever so slowly lowered them to the bed.

They took turns stripping the clothes from each other; little by little unwrapping the skin they so desired to touch and taste.

She kissed deeply, he passionately. They touched and embraced one another like lovers long familiar with each other's wants and needs, a slow seductive dance that both relished. Hands didn't scratch and blindly grope, but lovingly stroked and strategically caressed.

Every action Kakashi made was erotic, unhurried. She felt like she was on fire.

He slid his body against her; she answered with a languid rock of her hips, digging her fingertips into the smooth muscles of his back. "Sakura." He drew out every syllable of her name, exhaling it out as if in prayer.

He entered her slowly, seductively, every glorious inch sending bolts of pleasure rippling through her body. Her legs gripped him greedily and she forcefully rocked against him. He answered her with a thrust of his own-swift, hard- a warning, and then he set a slow rhythmic pace.

Her eyes fluttered shut in absolute bliss. Euphoric bursts shot through her body riding searing hot flames born of his expert movements. He was driving her crazy.

He moved inside her rhythmically slow but firm-and damn he felt good. So did she for that matter. "Kakashi." She groaned throatily. He answered with hot breath to her ear, as if words were too paltry to describe his pleasure.

They'd made love for hours, riding out wave after wave of bliss until they both came to completion. She arched into him with a gasp, and he thrust into her, raggedly whispering her name.

It was by far one of their most erotic and enjoyable couplings, and Sakura sighed contentedly as he hugged her to him.

Both fell asleep wearing only a smile.

Sasuke was tired of regretting the past, tired of wanting a future that could never be, tired of living the present in turmoil and regret. He wanted to live life, to be some semblance of a whole person. Tonight with Ino and earlier with Neji had really shown him just how pitiful he'd become. It was a sight that disgusted him, and he was determined to not see it again.

He stood before Sakura's door panting, tired from his third run that day. The first step to his "new" life needed to start here, with her. He needed to make amends, settle things with her, or he'd never have any peace in his life.

Without hesitation, and with every bit of determination he knocked on her door. It was late, he knew, but this just had to be done.

Sakura woke with a start. 'Someone's knocking.' She glanced over at Kakashi, who mumbled incoherently, half-awake, half-sleeping.

She caressed his face, shushing him back to sleep. When he settled again, she bolted for the door, hoping to answer before they knocked again.

She padded to the door wearing only a thin robe over bare skin. It was three in the morning. She wasn't near coherent enough to realize that though "clothed" she was nowhere near presentable.

**Author's Note**: Here it is. Rough and barely edited, but I wanted to get it out to you. I may have to edit further.


	4. Forbidden

**Reviewer Replies:** Thanks to all who reviewed! Appreciate it!

**Disclaimer**: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story would not exist.

**Warning**: As a courtesy, I'm reminding readers that this story is rated NC 17, M. Chapters may contain intimate situations, sex, blood and violence, swearing… but then that is to be expected with this rating, right?

**Chapter 4: Forbidden**

_"Things forbidden have a secret charm."_--**Tacitus**

Sakura peeked out the window. 'Sasuke? What is Sasuke doing here?' She glanced at the clock above the stove. 'Three in the morning!'

Sakura should have been worried about why he was there at such a strange ungodly hour, about the fact that Kakashi was naked in her bed, about the fact that she was scantily clothed herself, but she knew only curiosity and confusion.

Without hesitation, she unlocked the door and opened it. Sasuke's black eyes immediately sought her green ones. Unprepared for the sight of him she gasped, and to her dismay her heart leapt into her throat.

He was always so darkly stunning. That look in his eyes she loved, craved, dreamed about… Within his onyx orbs was a dark fire; one that warmed her in a way that made her feel wanton, and the fact that she was feeling uncomfortably warm by it now kind of pissed her off.

"Sasuke." She said flatly, angrily. Really it came out harsher than she'd intended, but when the hell would she be able to look at him and not feel anything but platonic comradery?

The corners of Sasuke's mouth tightened in displeasure at the harsh sound of her voice. He'd had enough of her rotten attitude, that's why he came here anyway. He placed his hand on her shoulder and shoved her into the house, following close behind her.

Sakura's temper spiked, a dangerous fire flared in her eyes, and she opened her mouth to berate her ex-teammate for his treatment of her. Who did he think he was budging his way through her and her home at three in the morning? She was pressed against the wall with his fingers against her lips. 

"Don't." He snapped. His icy black eyes shooting her a warning glare. His voice was low and dangerous.

She growled, showing him her teeth. She was so angry with him, irrationally so. Not because he was at her house so late at night, early in the morning, for other reasons. 'He can come any time he pleases.' Inner Sakura purred. But outer Sakura saw this as a convenient excuse to light into him.

She wanted him, loved the sight of him, rejoiced at his presence, and she wanted to kill him for that. She wanted to burn him from her heart, her mind, her soul. He was so infectious, and god she loved that dark dangerous mystery that radiated from him. She swallowed hard.

His dark hair fell so erotically around his face. 'What does it feel like?' She silently wondered.

She felt the urge to grab as much of his hair in her fists as she could. _'Rip it, squeeze it, pull it…'_ Her mind imagined his mouth devouring hers as she used his hair as a leash to pull him toward her. She wanted him to kiss her - rough, hard, hold her down…

'God he smells good.'

She whipped her head to the side, ripping her mouth from the touch of his hand… Immediately she mourned its loss, but it was for the best. She had someone now, someone she cared deeply about, someone who loved her. She couldn't screw it up with Sasuke.

"Don't look away from me." He grabbed her shoulders, giving her a sharp shake, then holding her against the wall when she refused to obey. "Sakura." He warned.

She whimpered, relishing in the feel of his tight grasp against her shoulders, holding her to the wall. His body was so close. 'Kiss me. Touch me. Don't make me decide. Don't make me think about it. Do it to me. Do it _for_ me.'

How shameless could she be, thinking such thoughts about Sasuke after such a beautiful night with Kakashi?

But it was different with Sasuke. She didn't see him like she did Kakashi, didn't want him the same as she wanted Kakashi. Kakashi made her feel safe, calm, loved, and she wanted to lay with him, cuddle with him, make love to him….

She'd want to murder Sasuke if he cuddled with her. She wanted to scratch him, beat him, fight him, _have_ him, _take_ him. Wanted him to take her, undress her - not slowly and sensually, but wantonly and rough – 'Dance with me Sasuke. Take me. Give yourself to me. Let me have you, if even only this once.'

"Sasuke." Her head was still turned to the side, his name like the answer to a long asked question. She didn't dare look at him. If she looked at him he'd see the want in her eyes. Besides, she couldn't trust what she might do. As it was she hoped he couldn't hear the want in her voice.

Sasuke closed his eyes, taking in a few hard labored breaths at the sound of her voice. How many times had he dreamed of her saying his name like that as he made love to her?

'Countless…'

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against the wall, breathing in the scent of her hair. He felt her shiver as his breath caressed the sensitive flesh of her neck. Sasuke felt a frightening pull toward Sakura, a pull he'd thought he could control.

"Sakura." He breathed, hissing out the syllables of her name, drawing them out. He spoke her name as if it were an incantation, a potent word that had the power to create or destroy.

The sound of her name on his lips was sinful. Her teeth bit her bottom lip in attempt to resist him. If she gave in she'd jeopardize what she had with Kakashi. She _needed_ Kakashi, couldn't live without him, but… She _wanted_ Sasuke.'

She wanted something more. She loved the comfort, safety, and perfection of her life, but at the same time it was killing her. She needed something… _more_. 

He felt her ever so slightly lean forward against him. Her body brushed against his, sending a dangerous bolt of desire through him. He'd always wanted her.

"Sasuke." Her voice was a desperate plea now. She could feel the warmth of his body calling to her. Her mind was already divesting him of his dark garb, mentally pushing him to her bed…

He told himself to leave, to back away, but instead he leaned forward pressing their bodies together. His lips lightly traced the delicate curve of her neck. Her skin was so soft and inviting, begging to be kissed. "Sakura." 

She felt him push against her. She closed her eyes, breathing in his scent, reveling in the feel of his hot body and warm breath teasing her flesh. Her mind recalled another man's body and mouth that had not so long ago pleased her. 'Damn my treasonous self.' She began mentally berating herself for betraying Kakashi so easily, until she heard her name drip off Sasuke's tongue, desire laced throughout his deep rich voice.

Would Sasuke's mouth feel like Kakashi's? Would his body look the same? She imagined Sasuke sweaty, undressed, in the throes of passion… 'God I'd love to find out.' She thought, smiling wickedly. The thought of Kakashi in her bed while she allowed Sasuke to violate her was exhilarating to her, a fun, dangerous game. What would either man do if they found out about the other?

She fisted Sasuke's shirt in her hands, holding him to her. 'Let's play Sasuke.' She buried her nose in the crook of his neck, nuzzled his hair. 'He smelled so good.' Ever so slowly, she reached between them, landing her hand on his zipper, and began to pull. He pulled away to look at her. She smirked, grabbing a belt loop in each hand pulling him to her. "Don't play shy Sasuke." She teased out, finally allowing inner Sakura some voice.

He gave in to her immediately, slammed her against the wall, and kissed her, fiercely, passionately. She wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her hands in his hair, pulling it, fisting it.

The kitchen was filled with frantic pants and impatient moans and whimpers. She ripped the collar of his shirt in attempt to access the flesh of his neck and shoulder. She sucked, bit, and scratched, marked him several times. He growled, nibbling her neck, earlobe… "You're a dangerous little feline Sakura." He whispered against her neck. She smiled. 'You have no idea.'

She grabbed at his waistband, he at the short hem of her nighty. Minimal clothes were taken off. It was all about access. She couldn't help sinking her fingernails into his back at the feel of him. White bursts of pleasure danced in her vision, he felt so damned good… _too_ good.

She breathed his name against his ear, sunk her teeth into his shoulder, gripped his waist with her powerful legs, anything to fight crying out in bliss. "Fuck Sakura. Are you trying to kill me?" He panted out against her lips. His voice was deep and rough, laced with pleasure.

She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, the feel of his breath against her lips. The rhythm he set was mind-blowing. "Sasuke." She sighed in mind-numbing pleasure. She loved the sound of his name on her lips, loved saying it. "Sasuke." She chanted, as if guiding him toward something, cheering for something. "Sasuke." She felt him smile against her skin. She glanced over his shoulder at the door that hid her silver-haired jounin from view. She felt so alive knowing he could come out at any moment, catch her, catch Sasuke…

It was hard to say how long she'd played with Sasuke, but finally they both fell to the floor panting. She wore a giddy smile, he, a fulfilled but exhausted expression. He was pretty marked up, a bit bloodied, and probably bruised, his clothes and hair were sweat-damp; he was still sexy as ever. Palm flat against his chest, she pushed him to the floor, straddled his hips and kissed him, long and hard.

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back just as passionately as she gave. After a moment, he gently nudged her away staring deeply into her eyes. Ever so softly he ran his fingertips along her cheek, stopping to rest his hand against her face. He said nothing, didn't smile, just looked. It was enough. She saw it in his eyes, the same thing she saw in Kakashi's tonight at dinner… _love_. She didn't like it.

Roughly she swatted his arm away. "Don't." She mumbled, ashamed of herself. She'd betrayed Kakashi, and started God knows what with Sasuke. He looked away with a loud sigh, allowing his head to fall to the side. She could tell he was mad. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. He radiated anger.

She fingered a particularly nasty bite on his bared shoulder, staring at the ripped shirt that hung from his shoulder. She remembered sinking her teeth into him. She'd been pretty rough. She smiled, running her hands down his chest and abs.

He was unresponsive to her touch, head still lolled to the side, staring off… _ignoring_ her. 'He's still upset with me.' Inner Sakura growled at his inattentiveness; outer Sakura smacked him across the face, laughing.

He hissed, moving to sit up, but she just pushed him back down. "I'm not done yet." She cooed, leaning over him to bury splayed fingers in his hair. He shot her an irritated look. That kind of pissed her off.

She curled her fingers, grasping handfuls of his hair and gave his head a rough tug, laughing. "Obey!" Her voice had an I'm-just-kidding lilt to it, but she'd really meant it.

"Stop it." He mumbled, obviously not in the mood. She smiled wickedly, reaching a hand down to stroke over his most intimate part. "Stop." He whispered, closing his eyes, obviously trying to ignore her touch but failing miserably. 'He likes it.' She cheered victoriously.

Regardless of his protest, he sat up, her name on his lips, grabbed her hand, removing it from its ministrations, and just held it. He kissed her, slowly, sensually, _lovingly_... His hands splayed over her back, gently traveling from shoulder down. She moaned, loving his attention, but something was nagging at her. Something familiar, and the strongest feeling that something was wrong assaulted her. Sasuke's touch was too soft, too personal, too intimate, too _Kakashi_. 'Kakashi!' She pushed him back with a harshly barked reprimand. "Don't!"

She should just end it now; tell him to go. She opened her mouth to order him out, but before she could even utter a single syllable she was unceremoniously dumped on her ass. He stood up, totally ignoring her, eyes not even remotely flickering her direction.

She watched mutely, a bit surprised by his treatment of her, as he grabbed at his ripped shirt _tsking_ while he uselessly pulled the fabric together. She may as well have not existed. He didn't look back, say anything, just made for the door to leave. His posture was tall, regal… smug. She resisted the urge to knock him on his ass. 

"Typical." She hissed from her seated position on the floor. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to her with a smile that could only be classified as frightening. His eyes were murderous. "Funny. That's what I was thinking." He stated arrogantly, but she could tell he wasn't feeling superior, just attempting to sound that way. She felt nothing from him but anger. 

He whipped the door open, allowing it to smack loudly against the wall. Sakura jumped, fully expecting Kakashi to bolt from the bedroom any moment, but she kept her angry gaze trained on Sasuke. 

"Perhaps next time I should charge." He suggested stoically without even a glance of acknowledgement in her direction, as if thinking aloud to himself. He was accusing her of using him. 'How dare he!' She fumed, launching herself from the floor, ready to give him the pounding of his life.

Sensing her movement, he whirled around to face her. He didn't move to dodge; just met her heated gaze with a challenging stare, his eyes daring her to attack him. She stopped right in front of him; he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.

"I hate you." She spat, raising her hand to smack him. He caught her wrist in the air, and held it before his face. "Play time is over kitten." He sneered, speaking the word kitten derisively.

Ever so slowly, a crooked grin spread across his face, still clasping her arm tightly, totally ignoring her struggle. "Liking me isn't… _wasn't_ a prerequisite to fuck me. Was it?" He paused, waiting for his words to register with her. "Next time it will cost you." He sneered, using her captive arm as leverage to roughly pushed her away. Her back smacked against the wall, and by the time she got her bearings he was gone. She had hurt him; she saw it. As much as he was trying to hide it she could sense it.

Why had she acted that way? Why had she provoked him so? She silently wondered. It was almost as if she was purposely trying to hurt him, piss him off… and she'd _liked_ it. He made her insane! She couldn't seem to control herself around him, and half the time she didn't know if she wanted to sleep with him, maim him, kill him, or kiss him. Sometimes she wanted to do all of them at once. She fell to the floor in tears. Everything was so messed up!

Strong hands gripped her shoulders, and Sakura looked up into the sympathetically smiling eye of Hatake Kakashi. "I'm sorry." She whispered, ashamed that she'd cheated on him, afraid of what he'd do, and terribly embarrassed she'd got caught. 'How much had he seen?' She wondered, mortified at the thought that only moments ago had seemed so damned pleasing. Why the hell would she want Kakashi to catch her screwing Sasuke?

"It was time for me to get up anyway." He sighed, joining her on the floor. He gathered her to him and held her. "I knew he would confront you sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. You two were close once you know. You don't even talk to each other anymore…"

He kept talking, but Sakura didn't hear him. She was still stuck on the fact that he didn't know what had _really_ happened between her and Sasuke. He had no idea she'd let Sasuke screw her against the wall. He hadn't seen anything, well nothing inappropriate anyway. Her face reddened at that thought. As far as he was concerned she and Sasuke had just had an argument.

Sakura was very selfishly relieved. He was still hers. "Kakashi." She sighed, burying her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

_"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself."_--**Oscar Wilde**


	5. Foreboding

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**Disclaimer**: Being the property and creation of Kishimoto Masashi, the manga, anime, and name Naruto are not mine. I own none of the characters or their names mentioned in this story. All credit goes to Masashi, because without him this story would not exist.

**Warning**: As a courtesy, I'm reminding readers that this story is rated M. Chapters may contain intimate situations, sex, blood and violence, swearing… but then that is to be expected with this rating, right?

**Chapter 5: Foreboding**

The Sound was Kabuto's legacy. Not by choice, well mostly not by choice. He inherited it by default. After Orochimaru's death, and the departure of Neji and Sasuke, the Sound became a prime target for villages it had once usurped. Without its most feared defenders, the Sound was a wounded deer in the middle of a pack of wolves.

Like blood in the middle of a shark feeding frenzy they came to attack. The nerds taking revenge on the school bully; payback for years of abuse. Kabuto was left the choice to defend the Sound or watch it fall around him, which would once again leave him homeless and family-less. Not that those things were really important to Kabuto, but a man needed someplace to rest his hat - so to speak. Every man/woman needed a place to call home didn't they? And Kabuto did feel _some_ sense of loyalty toward his fellow Sound nins. They'd all been orphans of one form or another, cast-offs "rescued" by Orochimaru. None strong enough to replace the snake sannin, only Kabuto came close to being that, and they'd looked to the white haired nin for leadership and guidance. So… by default, the Sound now belonged to Kabuto - for however long it would stand anyway.

The village was suffering attacks from several different fronts, and its defenders were growing demoralized and weaker. At its current rate, the village would be destroyed in a matter of months. What he needed was a display or symbol of strength, something to threaten his attackers with. The snake sannin's name alone had been enough to force villages into submission. When it wasn't, a display of strength and cunning worked. If that failed, Sasuke and Neji paid the offender a visit… that _always_ worked. Orochimaru used to laugh when he sent the two geniuses out; he called it a gross display of power. The snake got off on possessing such weapons. Kabuto could use weapons like that now.

He'd been watching Konoha for a while now, attempting to keep tabs on his former teammates, Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke. From his observations, and spies' reports - yes he had spies - they were over worked, under appreciated, and seemingly miserable. Why should they go to waste in a village that loathed their presence when he needed them so badly? Sasuke and Neji had been Orochimaru's "Dream Team". That's what their enemies and clients had referred to them as anyway. He didn't know who'd coined the phrase, only that it spread. It wasn't a name one associated with positive things, more like death and destruction. The two of them together unleashed held the power of an army. He doubted Konoha was aware of just how powerful the two together could be. He suspected that were they aware they wouldn't have kept them around, they'd have executed them.

The crunch of leaves and sticks beneath tramping feet drew Kabuto from his musings. Neji hadn't bothered trying to be stealthy or hide his presence. He was purposefully loud in approaching the white haired nin. "How did you find me?" Neji's voice was quiet, demanding; yet still held a measure of respect.

"Don't be ridiculous." Kabuto admonished. It was a silly question. It was never a secret where Neji had gone. Unless the Hyuuga thought he shouldn't be able to contact him in Konoha. Whatever. It didn't matter anyway. "It wasn't hard." He reached his hand out to touch the new cursed seal on Neji's neck. "I can neutralize that you know."

Neji pushed his hand away. "What do you want?"

Kabuto smiled. "Right down to business eh?"

Neji snorted. "I didn't think this was a for-old-times-sake visit." Kabuto laughed. "Actually… it is."

Neji turned surprised eyes on the white haired man, but just as quickly narrowed them. "I don't believe it." He accused.

Kabuto didn't have time to waste trying to convince Neji, so he'd just get right down to it. After the Hyuuga heard him out he might understand. "I want to resurrect the Sound… under my rule." Neji gave him a what's-this-have-to-do-with-me look. "You and Sasuke are being wasted here." Neji had to raise his eyebrows at that. "Are you kidding? Sasuke and I do the most dangerous missions." He'd have said more, but Kabuto piped in. "Not because your trusted or skilled. You're _expendable_. Regardless of your talents and bloodlines, Konoha has given up on the two of you."

Neji opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it as Kabuto motioned to the seal upon his neck. It was true; Konoha didn't trust him. The seal was proof enough of that. He and Sasuke had both been branded and labeled as traitors. They were sent on the most deadly missions because the village would morn their loss least. Kabuto was right about everything. Noble births and special abilities only carried you so far in a village like Konoha. This revelation, well more like acceptance, softened his mood toward Kabuto.

"Sasuke's bothers him." Neji voiced conversationally, referring to the new seal on his neck. "Mine is painless, but Sasuke has been complaining of his." Kabuto nodded. "Tell him I can take care of it for him." Neji looked like he was going to protest, but Kabuto chimed in first. "I ask for nothing. Tell him… I owe him." Neji gave a slow nod. He understood what Kabuto meant. There were some things that just bonded people. Life and death were one of them. "I'll tell him." Neji promised, and began his walk back to his house.

"I don't want to be Konoha's enemy." Kabuto called out.

Neji stopped, not bothering to turn around. "I'll carry your message."

"You'll think about it?" Kabuto asked, prodding. Saying he'd carry the message was very non-committal. He wanted an idea of how seriously the Hyuuga was considering his offer.

Neji was still and quiet for a moment, forced to consider the offer. God help him but he was miserable in Konoha, and Sasuke seemed so too. He was actually considering the med. nin's offer. "Yes." He whispered, almost like he hated to say it, but those were his thoughts.

Kabuto gave a small smile. "Two days then. I'll meet you back here in two days." Neji nodded, and Kabuto began to walk away.

Visions of blood, battle, and chaos flashed through Neji's mind. He saw Kabuto jump between himself and a bloodthirsty demon, saw the Sound nin as he healed him and Sasuke. Even when he was falling over from exhaustion the white haired nin would heal them. He remembered seeing Sasuke battling two demons at once, comrades literally torn apart, blood splattering everywhere. Death cries and the deafening roar of angry demons echoed through his thoughts, transporting him back in time. That had been real, all of it, and they'd gone through that hell together, battling living nightmares for months on end.

Nothing seems to bond men like war. Put two mortal enemies in a situation where they can't survive without each other, and they'll come out best friends, or at the very least situational allies. Whatever you call the relationship, there's no denying it's a bond. You can't quite hate a man when he's saved you from death, put himself on the line to ensure your safety, and vice versa. When you've entrusted your life to someone and they didn't let you down, how do you hate them?

"Kabuto-san." The white-haired man stopped. "Thank you." Kabuto gave a small smile and nodded. Some things just didn't need words to express. "Did you find who killed her?" Neji stiffened, caught completely off guard. His tongue felt heavy and thick, almost like it didn't want to form the small word that would vocalize his failure. "No." It came out quiet and choked, but the Sound nin heard.

Two years in Konoha and Neji hadn't found the one responsible for Mitsuki's death. He could still see her face as she fell in a silent scream, a knife through her heart. He and Sasuke had both witnessed the killing blow, but not the face of the man behind it - his identity was hidden behind a cat-like ANBU mask.

Mitsuki was supposed to wait for his return, but she'd grown worried and came to "save" him. She never knew Konoha wasn't a danger to him. He was their spy, but she never knew that, and it had cost her her life. He never forgave himself; _couldn't_ forgive himself until he avenged her.

Kabuto knew how much Mitsuki had meant to him, knew her death weighed heavily on his conscience. "I will try to find out who did it." Kabuto's voice was laced with sympathy. All Neji could do was nod, not trusting his voice to answer. And they parted ways.

* * *

Sakura was alone. Kakashi had left hours ago. He'd had a mission. They hadn't said much about the Sasuke incident. She didn't want to talk about it; he seemed to sense that and respected her wishes on it. They shared a quiet yet companionable breakfast, his calm presence chasing away her frustration and sadness until it was time for him to leave.

The emptiness and silence of her small space without him was unbearable, a tangible weight upon her shoulders, a thundering silence in her ears. _Alone_… She was completely and utterly alone, an open invitation to contemplate the utter mess that had fallen into her lap. Something she had desperately wanted to avoid. Kakashi's presence was a great distraction, but now she was distraction free to contemplate the utter mess that had fallen into her lap. Had she her way she'd have opted for companionship, but then she seldom got her way.

She lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling, meditating on last night. Part of her didn't even believe it had really happened. The whole thing had just been so fast, so surreal. His voice, his attention, his lips, his eyes… She closed her eyes remembering the look on his face as he gently held her face in his hands... Her thoughts lingered a moment, lost in the memory.

How frightening that had been. For an instant she'd become the young girl that had so devotedly obsessed over Uchiha Sasuke, the one that had silently begged him for a touch, a word, a glance… Years and _years_ she'd dreamed of him, fantasized of being with him, and just when she'd reconciled herself to it never happening, found someone else, he was there with sweet words, affectionate eyes - everything she'd ever wanted from him.

_'I lived only for you. Out there away from you I'd wished for death a thousand times. Woke up countless mornings hoping it would be the last, but then I would think of you and I would go on another day. It was always you calling me back, asking me to come home.'_

God it was enough to make her murder him… slowly. She wrapped her arms around her head, muffling the loud frustrated scream she belted out. Rolling over she bounded from the bed, stomping around her room, grabbing strewn clothes and the like, folding them, throwing them in the laundry. 'And that bastard Kakashi… having a mission on such a day.' Of course she'd known about the mission for a few days now, but that didn't count. Why you say? Because it just didn't, plain and simple. She looked around her room, eying everything as if it were evil incarnate. It wasn't very messy, but to Sakura's sensitive self right now it looked a complete and utter disaster.

'It's this mess; that's why I'm not myself! That's why I'm pissed off and going insane! It's because my room is a mess.' Suddenly it became incredibly important that she clean her room, scrub it from top to bottom. Rid herself of this day-ruining problem. It had nothing to do with the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend of three years and everything to do with this… mess. Yeah right.

Of course inner Sakura snorted, as if outer Sakura were some sort of idiot, cackling uproariously when her pink-haired container began vigorously scrubbing the floor of the connecting bathroom with a toothbrush. She knew what was wrong with her outer self and it had nothing to do with a barely messy room.

What had started as cleaning the bedroom and bathroom soon became the living room and more. Sakura realized that the whole house was a mess. Reason didn't call to Sakura's attention that an open magazine and an unfolded blanket didn't constitute a mess. Inner Sakura might have, but not Reason. _Reason_ didn't do stupid things. When Sakura was in one of these moods it was best to be _not_ seen and _not_ heard, so Reason fell to the back of her mind. If Sakura wanted to scrub, she was welcome to it.

She scrubbed every nook and cranny, fluffed every pillow, cushion, and blanket she could find, folded anything and everything that had the ability to be folded, and vacuumed any and every area the small suction wand could fit. Sweat was pouring off her, her muscles ached, and _still_ she cleaned. Everything sparkled and smelled of lemon, pine, flowers, and _still_ she freshened the place up. All the while, the sweet emotion-filled voice of Kakashi echoed in her mind… 'I love you', the sultry rich voice of the Uchiha as her name dripped from his tongue… 'Sakura'. She scrubbed harder.

* * *

Sasuke leaned against the shower wall, forehead pressed tight against the tile; clenched fist poised beside his jaw as if he'd tried to punch through it. 'Sakura.' He could still taste her mouth on his tongue, feel her hands on him. After he'd carried out most of his fucked up goals it turned out all he ever wanted boiled down to her. Only her. He'd thought he wanted revenge, thought he wanted to resurrect his clan, thought he wanted immense power so he would never be at anyone's mercy again; but none of it measured up to the intense wanting of her. _'Sakura.'_

He closed his eyes tight, as if trying to fight off some sort of pain. Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd always thought she'd be there. He'd never considered there might come a day she wouldn't want him… But if she didn't want him then what the hell was that that happened?

He pushed himself from the wall, and began the onerous task of washing his hair. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of fingertips massaging scalp. It was normally quite a relaxing ritual, and he relied upon its pleasure to chase a certain pink-haired girl from his mind. It didn't work. It served only to remind him of her fingers tangled in his hair. The rough way she grasped handfuls of it as she devoured his mouth. "Dammit!" Sasuke hissed, allowing his forehead to once again lean against the tiled wall.

He'd come back to Konoha, a place he'd come to loathe, _for her_. Visions of masked ANBU torturing and scarring him ran through his head. He absently rubbed at his wrists. The visions became stronger.

_He was tied against the wall. Rough ropes encircled his arms from wrists to elbows. His bindings had begun working on the soft flesh underneath. "Where is Orochimaru!" _

Silence…

Crack!_ Sasuke jumped at the sharp pain that lanced across his back, wincing and sucking in his breath at the strength of the pain. He felt wetness spread across his skin… blood. He threw his head back; eyes squeezed shut as he willed the hurt away. Tears leaked from the corners as the raw sting spread like fire throughout his body. They hosed him with ice-cold water; stealing his breath away with it's horrible chill. Then they left him for hours on end, coming back only to torture him more. _

"Does he plan on attacking Konoha? Does he have spies in Konoha? Who are his spies?" The questions went on and on. Each one answered by the crack of a whip across his back, sometimes several lashes before hosing him again. He refused to speak, not that he was so loyal to Orochimaru. He just hated being broken. The ropes rubbed painfully rough against this skin of his arms until they were raw. Blood poured down his arms, seeping through the seams of the ropes. Running in crimson rivulets down across the lines of his muscles.

It had happened years ago but still his mind relived it as if he were back in that place. He winced remembering the feel of the strap as it striped his back with gaping flesh wounds. He jumped letting out a whimper, as the loud smack of the whip sounded in his ears. He could hear his own crazed laughter, as chemicals that burned were poured into his wounds. They wanted so badly to make him talk. They whipped him with cord, showered him with freezing cold water, deprived him of food and sleep, poured burning chemicals on open wounds... They'd earned screams from him, but he'd _never_ talked.

He was huddled on the floor of the shower, shivering with the flashback. His stomach heaved and he retched, disgusted with himself for coming back to the village that had done such things to him. But he'd come back for her. That either made him extremely romantic or incredibly stupid. Seeing as she near hated him he voted for stupid.

He still wondered who the ninja behind those masks were. There wasn't a day that went by he didn't stare at his ANBU colleagues wondering which one had done what. He shook his head in attempt to clear his mind of old demons, and stood shakily, leaning against the shower wall for support. Sakura's voice came to him, chasing away the lingering affects of the torture. Her sweet smiling face filled his mind. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths in through his nose out through his mouth. 'Sakura.' Did she know what they'd done to him?

Sasuke raked his fingers through his hair, irritated as thoughts of the pink haired girl and their tryst came back to mind. What the hell had that been? He couldn't get her out of his mind. It seemed every noise and sight around him was stimuli to think of her. He had to see her again. Even if only to scream at her, something… He needed to see her. Barely drying himself off he wrapped the towel around his waist and made for his room.

* * *

Looking like a wet rag that had been used one too many times, Sakura stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Every room had been conquered thrice over but this one. 'The kitchen…' Inner Sakura snickered anxiously as if the punch line to some great joke was about to make its appearance. Outer Sakura gripped her cleaning cloth in tight hands, wringing it as if some large decision lay heavily on her mind. 'The kitchen…' _The counter – Kakashi. The entryway - Sasuke…_ With a growl she threw the towel down, and made for her bedroom. Okay fine, it hadn't been the mess that was making her crazy. It was Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi.

Gathering up her huge terry robe she made for the bathroom. A bath was in order. She could soak and de-stress, and then re-stress as she contemplated the mess she'd made of her life. 'And how to fix it!' Certainly murdering the two of them was out of the question. She contemplated murdering just one of them, but quickly quashed the idea, as she couldn't decide which one to kill. She'd wanted to murder Sasuke countless times prior, twice today alone, but after their last meeting she decided she might want to keep him around a little longer. Getting rid of Kakashi was absolutely out of the question. Her mind had refused to even entertain the thought of offing him. 'Damn it!' That meant she was stuck with both of them.

Sakura sunk nose deep into the steaming hot bath. She was so utterly confused about the events of the last fifteen hours. She'd went from laughing to crying, to scowling… Until finally she'd just gotten sick of herself and cleaned like a crazed idiot. Now she was in the bath, acting like a foolish baby.

This was tiresome. When would her life stop being so messed up? When would she decide on what _she_ wanted and just take it, quit worrying what was right or wrong? She didn't want to think about what she should or shouldn't do. She just wanted to _do_. Live a little. Stop stressing and just live. She'd never gotten to date, make-out and tease. She went from Sasuke's number one fan to Kakashi's loyal – well she used to be loyal – significant other. As awful as it sounded, she wanted to play. She didn't want to decide between Kakashi and Sasuke. She wanted to try them both – well more than she already had anyway. She was young. She should enjoy her youth, not squander it on playing house. There was enough time to settle down and do the love/marriage thing, but now she wanted fun. And wouldn't enjoying two of the most beautiful men in Konoha be a fun adventure? 'Yes it would,' replied inner Sakura.

Sakura couldn't help but feel Kakashi and Sasuke had all the power and she was just along for the ride. They could crook their finger and she'd come. Sure she wanted to come, but what if she were the one doing the crooking? What would it feel like to hold that kind of power over them? 'You'll never know if you don't try.' Inner Sakura cooed. Outer Sakura contemplated that logic.

She thought back on her behavior, ashamed of how she'd acted. Whatever she wanted to do was _her_ right. She had a say in what she did and didn't do. If she didn't want Sasuke, she wouldn't have given in to him. If she didn't want Kakashi, she would have told him to hit the road as soon as the words "I love you" passed his lips. But she didn't. She had wanted them then, and she wanted both of them now. If they didn't want her then they were free to tell her to take a hike, but from here on out it was her way. Her wants and needs, _her_. No more crying or pining, or begging. She'd take what she wanted, when she wanted it. No regrets! She was tired of being left behind, of waiting for life to happen to her. She always sat back and let everyone else decide for her - maybe not directly, but certainly indirectly – and she was tired of it. _No. More._

* * *

A silent voice had been nagging at Kakashi not to leave. He ignored it, figuring it had a lot to do with his insecurities about Uchiha Sasuke. In all aspects of his life he was anything but insecure, but when it came to the dark haired man he just couldn't bring himself to be okay. All his senses, ninja and otherwise, warned against the Uchiha. He was a threat to his relationship with Sakura, and who knew what else. He just had a bad feeling all round that Sasuke was more than he seemed – more threat, stronger, not so loyal and docile as he appeared… There was something he sensed in his fellow sharingan user that was disturbing, but he couldn't define what it was.

He strolled down the road leading out of Konoha, intermittently stealing glances back at the gates. As if silently bidden he kept turning to look, almost as if he couldn't help it, expecting to see a sign or a reason for his dark musings. Like part of him knew he shouldn't leave, but he had no idea why. The sense was foreboding was thick in the air and he resisted the urge to take deep breaths. Something was wrong, especially where Sasuke was concerned, but he just couldn't put his finger on what it was. When he came back he'd definitely find out.

So pre-occupied with his thoughts was Kakashi he didn't notice the Sound nins observing him from their hiding place high in the trees.

**A/N**: A bit rough because of last minute changes. I'm really tired, and not up for editing. So… this chap. may get some editing later. Depends on how it reads when I'm rested.


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